everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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