Can Purell be used as lube?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
