Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
