We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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