so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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