While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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