Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
