You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
