I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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