Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dear god my vagina.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
