He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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