D3 body, D1 cock
so explain again why im purple
no
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
