After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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