that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
