I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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