K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what day is it and did you see me today?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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