Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
