i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
