if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
