Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
