Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize