So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
