If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
