1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
