similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
