dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
