all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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