I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
