I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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