I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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