It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
