is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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