Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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