The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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