i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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