Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
