My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
