This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
