we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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