it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
