oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize