Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
