bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
