She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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