thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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