Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
