i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i drank out of a bidet.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
