You just made me feel so damn special
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
