A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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