Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
