It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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