I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
