what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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