All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
