RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
