I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
