Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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