I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
