Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
