He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
