It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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