I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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