your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
