Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
