well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
